For approximately half of my adult life I have lived alone and half in relationship with a partner. I have found gifts both living alone and sharing a home with a partner.

Living as a single women does not necessarily mean living without intimacy or sexual pleasure. As a sovereign woman, you can take your own physical pleasure just as seriously as you would that of a beloved’s.

Reflect on the messages you have internalized about focusing on your own needs, your own pleasure. Like many women, your entire life may be focused on caring for others, especially if you are a single mother and/or have a career as a caregiver.

YOU are a worthy recipient of your own deeply nurturing, loving attention.

Start this journey of self-pleasuring by creating a list of things you can do in 60 seconds or less that you enjoy. Some examples:

  • Stroke your palms lightly.
  • Smell a wonderful scent, e.g. use an essential oil inhaler.
  • Dance to a favorite tune
  • Sing a song
  • Watch birds out the window
  • Take 10 mindful breaths
  • Mindfully eat a couple of bites of (healthy) food

You can also bring solo pleasure to your bedroom by preparing the space just as lovingly as you would for an delicious tryst. Consider:

  • Warming the bedroom with a space heater
  • Tossing dried rose petals on the bed
  • Lighting candles
  • Taking a shower and massaging yourself with organic oils infused with essential oils
  • Wearing a deliciously soft nightgown
  • Massaging and pleasuring your body
  • Hugging yourself with deep love and appreciation

Research shows that knowing how to pleasure yourself may bring more sexual fulfillment in a partnered relationship as well (Carvalheira & Leal, 2013).

You don’t have to wait for a lover to come into your life to increase your happiness quotient. Take yourself as a lover just as seriously as a beloved, and enjoy the opportunity to find pleasure in your own company.

Carvalheira, A., Leal, I.Masturbation among women: associated factors and sexual response in a Portuguese community sample. J Sex Marital Ther. 2013;39(4):347-67. doi: 10.1080/0092623X.2011.628440.


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About Dr. Judith Boice

Dr. Judith Boice is a naturopathic physician, acupuncturist, best-selling and award-winning author, and international teacher.  Her mission is treating the whole person, not just the symptoms. Dr. Boice delivers sustainable health care rather than quick fixes. She believes when people know what being healthy looks like for them, they get to have a great life, whether that’s riding bikes with their grandchildren, running three Iron Man competitions a year, or staying healthy in a high-pressure job. Dr. Boice consults with private patients, writes books, and offers trainings that teach people with chronic illness how to increase their energy, reduce symptoms and reverse disease by restoring their health with natural medicines.